Against the Grain

I wrote last month about 2010 being a challenge for our family…. for my marriage. You can read about it here. My husband is running two businesses that each require his full time attention. Therefore on most weekdays he’s working early morning until really late night.

I have some guilty confessions…

I’ve compared him… other husbands are home each night having supper with their families, why not mine?

I've chastised him… how will you feel if we are in an accident tomorrow and die?

I’ve accused him… you’d rather be at work than with us.

That may look pretty bad, but the good news is this: even though I’ve entertained these thoughts and really felt the negative effects of them I have also rejected them. I’ve placed my hardship and my feelings before the Lord and He has answered me with old words renewed…

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord“

Ephesians 5:22 (NIV)

I discussed this verse some in Recalling His Purpose, but since it’s a daily process that all of us endure I thought it deserved a little more attention.

What Ephesians 5:22 does not say…

It does not say to submit to your husband only when you “feel” like it.

It does not say to submit to your husband only when he’s making decisions that you agree with.

It does not say to submit to your husband only when he’s meeting all of your needs.

Those truths are hard for us to swallow because with the influence of the world we have a false idea of what marriage “should” look like and when they don’t fit into our man-made mold we feel wronged. Our biggest problem in this area is learning when to simply be quiet. What happens is when we allow negative feelings such as my guilty confessions listed above to enter into our hearts, seeds of bitterness spring to life like powerful weeds. We become entangled with resentment and then as His Word says in Matthew 12:34 “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” We feel it and we spew it and it never goes well for us.

Now, what Ephesians 5:22 does say is simple: submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord.

That’s it.

How? Learn to identify the tendencies that allow you to get wrapped up in yourself and perfect the practice of being quiet and going to God with your troubles. Let Him remind you that He is your ultimate authority. That life doesn’t always “feel” great. That He still has a plan to prosper you and not harm you… but only so far as it brings glory to Him.

Look, it’s uncomfortable at times. I know. We live in a society that sells “it’s all about me” in every magazine, TV commercial and billboard and it’s so easy to trip unknowingly into the trap of believing we deserve better. But we serve a God that says “it’s all about Him” and in each of our souls we truly believe that.

For the record, I am not saying don't discuss your concerns with your husband, absolutely do that. I am simply suggesting that you let the Lord lead you in that process. Do it humbly and respectfully. And more than anything accept his decisions, let him be the head of your home.

We’ve all made the mistake of taking stock in our feelings. And we’ve all tasted the sweet victory of doing it God’s way. I’m challenged to tip the scales and move against the grain more consistently, to live a life completely out of balance for Christ. In my marriage more than anything because what happens here under this roof seeps into every other aspect of my life. It’s all divinely intertwined leading from one thing to the next with just one primary focus: Christ.

Submitting to my husband is no different than submitting to the Lord.

It’s obey or disobey.

Against the grain.

Today I'm linking up with Julie's Marriage Mondays at Come Have a Peace, please go and check her out...