Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sometimes It Feels Good to Get Mad

Today is a day I actually take a shower, comb my hair, and apply extended lash mascara. Even though I appear “put together,” I have been battling health issues and I don’t feel very good. The antibiotics make my skin itchy and my stomach queasy. I press forward anyway, because that’s what mamas have to do.

I unload the girls, hustle them into school, and return to my car. The sun is blaring, my three year old is fussing, and did I mention I wasn’t feeling great? I backup and crash…bang! I hear my bumper crinkling against someone else’s. Oh yes, sweet sisters, I backed into another mama’s car at 8:35 a.m. Perfect!

God, can’t I just go back to bed and start over?

Later, I sit in my scuffed up car and wipe the tears from my eyes. I unload. I scream. I wail. If there had been more room, I may have kicked my legs too. A 36 year old tantrum isn’t pretty but it feels good.

I look in my rear-view mirror. What do I notice first? My over-exaggerated anger, my mascara stained face, or perhaps just a girl who enjoys getting mad.

To be brutally honest, I threw an all out hissy fit in my car.

“Restraining her is like restraining the wind,” (Proverbs 27:16).

Definition of hissy fit
-- tossing up hands, clenching a fist or two, full on neck jerks, a crimson colored face, and perhaps even a grinding jaw …sounds scary, don’t you think? Somehow in a matter of minutes, I change from frazzled to ferocious.

Don’t y’all miss those lunch-box-days where we could get away with pitching fits and no one cared? Sure, we may have gotten a swift kick in the pants, but no one was scarred for life. Now as an adult, I have to set the example, be the example, and live out the example--no more fits allowed.

I felt God whisper, “Throw on your armor. Reject the hissy fit. Recite the verse..."

“Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back,”(Proverbs 29:11).

If you are like me, even a little bit, then getting mad sometimes feels good. When the world throws dirt balls in your face and you just can’t take it anymore, how do you react? I’m usually a bit more composed but a girl can only take so much. Even grace girls have limits.

I don’t want to be a rambunctious fool—I do want to be the quiet, wise one this time. I wipe away the gloppy black mascara with my McDonald’s napkin that still smells like French fries and drive home.

Do you sometimes struggle with anger? What helps you?



  1. I hate to admit, but getting mad can feel good...for a moment. I want to be a woman who is gentle and kind at all times. When things happen that cause me to be angry I want to turn to Christ first. Give Him the anger and let His joy fill me. What helps me? Hmm, this is still something I am learning. I try to praise God through the anger.

    Great post Kelli! Blessings to you!

  2. oh my Kelli! You just decribed my day...minus the car crash. I've been battling health issues for the past 12 days. Are we on the same antibiotic?!? I broke down a number of times today and just cried. You're right...sometimes it's hard not to just lose it! But I told a good friend today as I was in the middle of a crying episode that I've been thinking about people who suffer with chronic pain. I've had discomfort and have had a hard time coping. I can't even a imagine how difficult it must be for people who don't see an end to it. Thank you for your honest post. Will be praying for healing for you too!

  3. I am familiar with that tantrum! Our emotions are like a wild horse at times and are just as hard to tame! Sometimes God gives me a moment where I'm looking down at my angry... out of control... not-so-pretty self and I feel sick at the site of that picture. Learning to let it out in an appropriate way is a challenge, but I want to and wanting to is all God needs to make a change in us! Love you dear friend,great post :)

  4. Oh Kelly, I am blessed to read this post of yours. It's a blessing to know we're never alone with our struggles. I struggled with anger in the past just because of a lot of bitterness that was in my heart. And it wasn't until late last year that I realized that my behavior is rubbing off on my kids. I never want them to be in bondage to anger as they grow up because of what they see in me. I managed to dive into a self bible study about my anger and was convicted by God to change my ways. I blogged about it here

    Isn't it a blessing to have McFries in moments like these, too? :) Be blessed, sister. Take care always! I'm just glad it was just the bumper of the car that got crinkled and that YOU were SAFE. :)

  5. ((((Hugs)))) Those moments are so challenging, but your wisdom and clinging to the scriptures was a terrific example.

  6. Oh yes! All too often my temper gets the better of me. So I have to pick up the pieces, apologize and remind my children that God's Word is true and Mommy has trouble doing the right thing too!

  7. I'm so sorry to hear you had such a rough morning Kelli.

    We've certainly all hit that point where we just can't hold it in anymore. Thankfully, God knows our hearts and is there with us quietly comforting and guiding us back to His Path.

    I pray you're feeling better very soon, and that you can get some respite.

    Have a Blessed Day!

  8. Proverbs 29:11...Girl you're not the only one who has to cling to that verse! Thanks for sharing your honest self!

  9. Oh NOOO! Kelli, I am SO sorry to hear about this. I hope you didn't get hurt!
    Ya know, I think we're entitled to a tantrum once in awhile (maybe twice in awhile :). If the kids get to do it, then so can we! (ha!) Besides, I think it's unhealthy to keep it all bottled up - it's sort of like a poison in our system and needs to get out.
    Sending prayers for a healthier, happier you very soon, my friend {{hugs}}}. I hope the rest of your week goes better :)

  10. I can say that I have had problems with anger...aggrivation...and just pure 'needing to have a fit' days. I think we all do. We just have to remember who and whose we are...look up...pray for strength, help, or whatever and move on!
    Hope you feel better!

  11. Thanks for being honest and vulnerable with us, Kelli. You're right, sometimes it does feel good to get mad. But it doesn't feel so good after the fact. I desire to be quick to listen, slow to speak,and slow to become angry.

  12. Oh I am so sorry for the car crushing :( That stinks! I sometimes do throw a hissy fit. It's not pretty. Sometimes I will go scream into my pillow just to get it out. Other times I have thrown something and broken it. So graceful and loving, huh? I hate when I react that way! Prayers for you to have a better week!

    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God