My Goliath: Fear of man
From the time that I am a little girl I wildly seek the approval of people. I carefully gather specks of evidence that I am good, that I am worthy and that I am acceptable. Man’s view of me is my survival. The first 30 years of my life I am defined solely by what the world says about me. This is who I am long before I know Whose I am.
That letter is my own personal kryptonite. It weakens my white-knuckled grip on how others see me. It leaves me vulnerable before man. I did this to myself. God allowed it. But, I hear Him. He pursues me. I listen as He breathes life altering truth into my tattered heart...
You are mine.
Trust in Me.
I am your survival.
I define you.
He wants me to see this fear of man for what it is: sin. It distracts me and keeps me from Him. He wants me to know that I can’t have both. That He has better plans for me if I would just let it go. The letter? Let it go. This fear that consumes me to the core? Let it go.
I am like David. Small. Weak. Unprotected. A sling and some stones for a weapon. I pray God’s name. Stare into the eyes of my massive giant. Aim. Fire. Down he goes. Only he gets back up; puffing and roaring he comes at me again. I cry out, “Lord, how am I to mortify this enemy?” I am reminded that besetting sins don’t die. I must unceasingly sling stones. I can not rest; even when he’s been down awhile I can never quit. But, with God I will not grow weary because with each stone tossed the giant wanes, I am strengthened and He is glorified.
Some giants, like Paul’s thorn are there for a divine purpose and will always exist. We must see it as a blessed indication that we desperately need God. If we will adorn this reminder as a neatly tied bow around our pinky finger it is controlled, if not it is a boulder chained to our ankle and it controls us.
This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."